Upon the Brink of Insanity: 6 Year Symptoms

[The Melody of Rain]

Good evening and thank you for your interest.
I am a 20 year old male and weigh 168lbs.
I typically smoke 10 cigarettes a day and endeavour to ensure minimum alcohol consumption as the withdrawal heightens my already debilitating anxiety.
I’m sorry if this turns out to be rather lengthy even though I’m trying to focus on the most debilitating symptoms I possess.





I first recall the following symptoms occurring approximately six years ago. They came upon me instantly during a class I was attending at school. It began with cold flushes, tremors and a very pronounced chill along my spinal column, followed by extreme disorientation and physical weakness. Ever since this moment I have suffered with a perpetual sense of unease and physical weakness without yield. My most hindering symptoms are as follows:

Intense anxiety:
This is the most prevalent. This is what has spoilt my life for the past six years. Basically it is with me twenty four hours a day, each and every day. I have a severe weakening in cognitive functioning to the point where of my own accord I cannot recall what I’ve done yesterday (yet should someone remind me I’ll remember straight away), I’m devoid of all emotion, I cannot concentrate or socialize and I’ve gone beyond living in hell. I have all the symptoms of a typical anxiety sufferer and more, to the point where I would be deeply sceptical as to whether this is actually psychological. There’s no reason for me to feel paranoid or self-conscious. I don’t harbour any delusions nor do I retain any recurrent illogical thoughts. I’ve endured CBT, countless psychiatric consultations and various medicines (that have done more harm than good) each to no avail. The most noticeable effects of this anxiety are:


*Eye lock: My eyes have become very sensitive to the light over the last number of years and when during those rare times when I venture out my eyes will literally lock and blur. I cannot move them and my perception of depth/distance is severely thwarted. Wearing sunglasses helps considerably, but I can’t wear them when they’re really needed such as in college. Also, it rains a ridiculous amount it Ireland.

*Twitching: Twitching of the muscles occurs everywhere, so I won’t list the locations but the most frustrating is in the muscles on the back of my neck (at least I think that’s where they’re originating from). These send my whole head into a three second ‘tremor’ of sorts which is immediately followed by an intense hot flush.

*Confusion and Apathy: …of epic proportions. I went into college this afternoon to hand in some assignments and after the staff member took them from me and put them away he asked me which classes they were for so he could record the details on the computer and I couldn’t remember. Nor could I write my signature, talk or properly balance myself. I’m quite confident that man now believes I am a drug addict.

*I also have a history of depression, which arose due to my ‘anxiety’ issues and having been met with the vexing prospect of never being cured of this affliction after trying a multitude of treatments. The result of having both depression and anxiety sent me into a 10 month bout of ruthless depersonalization which ended in December of last year. This however was a blessing in disguise because my depression left with it, yet I’m still ‘anxious’ and I fear the depression is creeping back. I cannot go through another bout of depersonalization once again. I simply cannot.


Stiff Joints: Self explanatory, but again this is also very intense. They cause me extreme difficulty in walking; as if I can’t lift my legs properly; as if there isn’t enough power being exerted to the muscles.

Abdominal Pulsation: This is highly disturbing and exceptionally evident. It’s constantly apparent, yet worsens during periods of heightened anxiety. Roughly eight years ago (before the anxiety, muscle and joint issues) I noticed that this pulsation actually runs throughout my whole body, but it seems to stem from the abdominal area where it is most notable. I came to this realisation when I was reading a book and I noticed my arms were moving back and forth as I was holding the book as if I was deliberately moving the book outwards from my chest and then back in. I then found that the same involuntary movement can be seen when I cross my legs and the leg that’s resting on the other can be seen to ‘bob’. My head also makes this same movement.


All of which ushers forth the question…what in the world could cause all this?
Its quite possible that I may have left out some important details here so if and when they do spring to mind I’ll edit the post at a later date.
My apologies if this was in any way incoherent; I feel remarkably stressed and frustrated at this particular time and my mind is slightly muddled.



Thanking you for your time and in advance, for your advice.

[The Melody of Rain]

Also, I underwent a complete bio-chemical work up about 10 months ago and my GP explained that I was remarkably good health, yet I'm 99.9% debilitated.

I don't think this is just anxiety. Some of your symptoms aren't related to anxiety.

Originally Posted by The Melody of Rain

Good evening and thank you for your interest.
I am a 20 year old male and weigh 168lbs.
I typically smoke 10 cigarettes a day and endeavour to ensure minimum alcohol consumption as the withdrawal heightens my already debilitating anxiety.
I’m sorry if this turns out to be rather lengthy even though I’m trying to focus on the most debilitating symptoms I possess.





I first recall the following symptoms occurring approximately six years ago. They came upon me instantly during a class I was attending at school. It began with cold flushes, tremors and a very pronounced chill along my spinal column, followed by extreme disorientation and physical weakness. Ever since this moment I have suffered with a perpetual sense of unease and physical weakness without yield. My most hindering symptoms are as follows:

Intense anxiety:
This is the most prevalent. This is what has spoilt my life for the past six years. Basically it is with me twenty four hours a day, each and every day. I have a severe weakening in cognitive functioning to the point where of my own accord I cannot recall what I’ve done yesterday (yet should someone remind me I’ll remember straight away), I’m devoid of all emotion, I cannot concentrate or socialize and I’ve gone beyond living in hell. I have all the symptoms of a typical anxiety sufferer and more, to the point where I would be deeply sceptical as to whether this is actually psychological. There’s no reason for me to feel paranoid or self-conscious. I don’t harbour any delusions nor do I retain any recurrent illogical thoughts. I’ve endured CBT, countless psychiatric consultations and various medicines (that have done more harm than good) each to no avail. The most noticeable effects of this anxiety are:


*Eye lock: My eyes have become very sensitive to the light over the last number of years and when during those rare times when I venture out my eyes will literally lock and blur. I cannot move them and my perception of depth/distance is severely thwarted. Wearing sunglasses helps considerably, but I can’t wear them when they’re really needed such as in college. Also, it rains a ridiculous amount it Ireland.

*Twitching: Twitching of the muscles occurs everywhere, so I won’t list the locations but the most frustrating is in the muscles on the back of my neck (at least I think that’s where they’re originating from). These send my whole head into a three second ‘tremor’ of sorts which is immediately followed by an intense hot flush.

*Confusion and Apathy: …of epic proportions. I went into college this afternoon to hand in some assignments and after the staff member took them from me and put them away he asked me which classes they were for so he could record the details on the computer and I couldn’t remember. Nor could I write my signature, talk or properly balance myself. I’m quite confident that man now believes I am a drug addict.

*I also have a history of depression, which arose due to my ‘anxiety’ issues and having been met with the vexing prospect of never being cured of this affliction after trying a multitude of treatments. The result of having both depression and anxiety sent me into a 10 month bout of ruthless depersonalization which ended in December of last year. This however was a blessing in disguise because my depression left with it, yet I’m still ‘anxious’ and I fear the depression is creeping back. I cannot go through another bout of depersonalization once again. I simply cannot.


Stiff Joints: Self explanatory, but again this is also very intense. They cause me extreme difficulty in walking; as if I can’t lift my legs properly; as if there isn’t enough power being exerted to the muscles.

Abdominal Pulsation: This is highly disturbing and exceptionally evident. It’s constantly apparent, yet worsens during periods of heightened anxiety. Roughly eight years ago (before the anxiety, muscle and joint issues) I noticed that this pulsation actually runs throughout my whole body, but it seems to stem from the abdominal area where it is most notable. I came to this realisation when I was reading a book and I noticed my arms were moving back and forth as I was holding the book as if I was deliberately moving the book outwards from my chest and then back in. I then found that the same involuntary movement can be seen when I cross my legs and the leg that’s resting on the other can be seen to ‘bob’. My head also makes this same movement.


All of which ushers forth the question…what in the world could cause all this?
Its quite possible that I may have left out some important details here so if and when they do spring to mind I’ll edit the post at a later date.
My apologies if this was in any way incoherent; I feel remarkably stressed and frustrated at this particular time and my mind is slightly muddled.



Thanking you for your time and in advance, for your advice.

[rad-skw]

Abdominal Pulsation


More Common

• <LI class=diffdx>Abdominal aortic aneurysm <LI class=diffdx>Hepatic tumor, metastatic <LI class=diffdx>Iliac aneurysms <LI class=diffdx>Pancreatic adenocarcinoma <LI class=diffdx>Renal artery aneurysm <LI class=diffdx>Thoracic aortic aneurysms
• Visceral aneurysms

Less Common

• <LI class=diffdx>Adrenocortical carcinoma <LI class=diffdx>Gastrointestinal stromal tumor, leiomyomas, & leiomyosarcoma <LI class=diffdx>Hepatic neoplasms, benign <LI class=diffdx>Islet cell tumors, nonfunctioning <LI class=diffdx>Retroperitoneal hemorrhage
• Retroperitoneal sarcoma

have you had any xrays. MRAs, CTs etc.? Just lab work?

Go to a chiropractor... It's related to your whole nervous system - a course in chiropractic sessions can do wonders.

Get regular massage from a therapist you feel comfortable with... especially an Indian Head Massage would be great.

Go on a Vipassana Meditation Retreat or something similar. A meditation retreat of no religious beliefs can really help cleanse. It sounds like you are not grounded. Walking in barefeet, gardening, anything that calms your mind so you don't overload yourself.

Write everything down on paper so you don't need to worry about remembering.

You are not going insane.

[mommy cat]

Sore throat, chills, sweats, low body temperature, low grade fever, lymphadenopathy, muscle weakness (or paralysis), muscle pain, muscle twitches or spasms, gelling of the joints, hypoglycaemia, hair loss, nausea, vomiting, vertigo, chest pain, cardiac arrhythmia, resting tachycardia, orthostatic tachycardia, orthostatic fainting or faintness, circulatory problems, opthalmoplegia, eye pain, photophobia, blurred vision, wavy visual field, and other visual and neurological disturbances, hyperacuity, tinnitus, alcohol intolerance, gastrointestinal and digestive disturbances, allergies and sensitivities to many previously well-tolerated foods, drug sensitivities, stroke-like episodes, nystagmus, difficulty swallowing, weight changes, paresthesias, polyneuropathy, proprioception difficulties, myoclonus, temporal lobe and other types of seizures, an inability to maintain consciousness for more than short periods at a time, confusion, disorientation, spatial disorientation, disequilibrium, breathing difficulties, emotional lability, sleep disorders; sleep paralysis, fragmented sleep, difficulty initiating sleep, lack of deep-stage sleep and/or a disrupted circadian rhythm. Neurocognitive dysfunction may include cognitive, motor and perceptual disturbances. Cognitive dysfunction may be pronounced and may include; difficulty or an inability to speak (or understand speech), difficulty or an inability to read or write or to do basic mathematics, difficulty with simultaneous processing, poor concentration, difficulty with sequencing and problems with memory including; difficulty making new memories, difficulty recalling formed memories and difficulties with visual and verbal recall (eg. facial agnosia).flushing

Hi. Above is a list of symptoms for CFS/ME. Yours are highlighted in red. I'm sure there are others you haven't mentioned. I have recently been diagnosed and found this site right before. There are alot of people here having same/similar symptoms. I hope you are well adn this info helps. Take Care...mc

I don't know what you have, but I can pretty much guarentee its not CFS/ME. If you look at all the symptoms, you will see that it pretty much covers every symptom that a person can have.

I would rather agree that you need a break from school and the world. You need to either commune with nature, as someone mentioned above or meditate. I think that you need to go on vacation. You should join Habitat for Humanity and go to Indonesia and help build homes for the people who lost homes during the Tsunami of 2003/4.

Thats just my advice. Get away from everyone and everything and help others. If your doctor says that you are medically fit. Take your sunglasses and head to Indonesia for 6 months.

[The Melody of Rain]

How worrying.

Is it curable?


Thank you by the way.

[mommy cat]

There is a lot of information regarding this at www.ahummingbirdsguide.com The world calls it ME...The USA calls it chronic fatigue syndrome. It is also known as post viral fatigue syndrome and many others.
I have done a lot of research. The best information and help I have found is NAET or Bioset therapy. A friend of mine I met in this forum recommended it. I went. It works. I have been a nurse for a long time and was very doubtful, as all I know is test...diagnosis...medicine.
It is a non-invasive form of accupressure which has relieved 90% of my symptoms. I would have never believed it, if I hadn't experienced it for myself.
I have written several threads in this forum. You can do a search for threads written by mommy cat. There is alot of helpful information in the posts and the links I have provided.
I was initially very worried myself. After meeting others with this and researching info, I found that no, it is not curable...but with NAET or Bioset....it is treatable. I wish you the best of luck and be well.
The best advice I've found so far is the therapies....
drink plenty of water with fresh squeezed lemon for detox
use sea salt
take a daily multivitamin
Vitamin C and Zinc also help
eat organic/raw/macrobiotic as able
research CFS/ME....Bioset....NAET
There is alot of helpful info out there.
God Bless......mommy cat

[mommy cat]

You are very welcome , by the way. mommy cat