I don't know what this could be

[darkgift]

I recently smoked marijuana, which led to a panic attack. This panic led to me having panic off and on for about two weeks, with thoughts of killing myself to escape the depression and anxiety... I felt there was no meaning to life, and I couldn't interact with people on a normal level.. I became very afraid of social situations, and it even felt like friends of mine were not the people I always knew... Time became very distorted, the past two weeks seemed as if they were maybe 5 days all together. I had alot of sensitivity to light. When people were speaking it seemed as though I was disconnected and surrounded by echoes. It was as if sound was muffled. I had many percieved problems with memory although no one seemed to notice a difference... I had a hard time remembering the names of people I knew... When I woke every morning I felt like I would kill myself... I told a teacher about this and began to cry, she told me to seek professional help.. I felt like I was a different person and even now that I have changed in some way.. I get afraid every night when I go to sleep that I will wake up and feel like this again. I have many problems with sleeping, I wake constantly and have terrifying dreams. Besides being afraid every night and morning I have come back to normal. I don't know what is wrong with me and the counselor at my school is sending me to a psychiatrist which I can't afford cause my dad recently lost his job and insurance.. I don't know what is wrong with me, and I hope that this wasn't a psychotic breakdown or something just as bad... I don't know what to do and I am afraid.....

[darkgift]

screw this.. no one replies

[acuann]

Wow, I am very sorry to hear about this, and feel compelled to respond. It sounds like you smoked pot laced with something horrible, and your body is out of balance. I suggest looking into Bach Flower Remedies - www.bachflower.com. These are very safe tinctures that help to balance the emotional/mental aspects of ourselves. At the very least you should be taking Rescue Remedy to help you recover from the trauma of the potsmoking episode.

Please try to find someone you can talk to. Have you had any of these thoughts/feelings before? I don't recommend a psychiatrist as all they will do is throw drugs at you and that can make things much, much worse...

I think an acupuncturist could really help get you back into balance and is very good for emotional upset/depression/anxiety.

I hope others reply, but please know that you have people in your life who care about you, even ones you don't know and have never met.

Best wishes
DOM

[Lenna]

Hi there. I must say that I would agree and that it is very likely that you have smoked something mixed with something else, either intentionally or not. I remember that a quite similar thing happenned to a student I knew while I was studying at the University. He was more or less experiencing similar symptoms and the whole thing screwed his body chemistry for a while.
I would also agree that it is quite important to go back to what you felt before this incident. Could it be that you were already depressed or feeling bad about something? Pot functions almost like a "shortcut" to feelings and it tends to magnify what you feel-if you are happy it makes you feel even happier and if you feel bad then it can really make you feel worse. It usually has different effects on different people, but if it has triggered a reaction like that from you, I would stay away from it, at least for a while.
Good thing about panic attacks is that once you had your first, then you know that the second is a panic attack and that it will go away on its own. It's a really bad feeling but it will eventually go away-I know it may sound silly, but having a warm glass of milk with sugar can really do the trick, at least for me.
Last but not least, if you are already feeling better, what you experience in the morning and at night are probably phobias and that is something that you are very likely creating on your own. Here you will probably have to employ the strength of your mind in an effort to persuade yourself that nothing wrong will happen. I am currently recovering (or at least think so) from a condition that made me spend a month in bed, almost unable to walk and despite the fact that my doctor tells me that there is nothing wrong with me, I feel afraid to go out alone. That is probably something I will have to work on in my head. If you can avoid shrinks and psychiatrists and find the inner strenght in yourself, that will be great. After all we are all individuals and pills and therapy are not necessarily the answer to everything.
Use your support groups, your family and friends, even us. Warm regards from Greece

[darkgift]

Thank you all so much for responding!

Acaunn: I have never experienced anything like this before, although I have been diagnosed and medicated before with depression. I want to thank you for your holistic veiw as this fits with my feelings about medication (try all else before resorting to western medicine). I hate taking any drug including asprin. I never did any drugs or drinking until recently and I have only done these things a few times each, but I can tell you I never will again. I used to exercise regularly, eat well, and generally regard my health as the most important thing. Then I decided I wanted to experience new things such as marijuana and drinking (I am of age but never drank before) and now I am worse off.The part that scared me most were the visual changes and problems remembering even close freind's names..

Lenna: I don't think I was depressed just before but I can't be sure, because most people have told me my whole life that I seem depressed. I was diagnosed with depression by a psychiatrist right after the state took me away from my mother on the grounds of physical, mental abuse, and neglect.. I then went to a foster home, and then to my fathers.. But I don't know if I can differentiate between normal feelings and depression.. I thought just before I began having this episode that I was happy.. My therapist seems to think that repressed memories resurfaced, although I don't believe this to be the case.. I like the warm milk with sugar suggestion it made me smile to know that people can find comfort in such a simple thing :-) I don't know why I have such panic when I wake or go to bed but it is accompanied by a deep feeling that I should just die rather than go on through the day.. I feel it hard to find meaning in anything I do.. I still sometimes still have a hard time remembering people's names, but I think that is because I get anxious when I think I might not be able to..

Hamoveeg: I am sorry I made you feel bad, I was just getting very afraid and I didn't think anyone really cared. Thank you for responding, and I am glad to hear you will pray for me. I have been struggling with my faith recently because of this overwelming feeling that there is no meaning to anything.. I feel maybe God has left my side, and that is why I feel such sadness and detachment from reality.. either that or God may not exist.. I don't know anymore

[KnowSUMthings]

Originally Posted by darkgift

I recently smoked marijuana, which led to a panic attack. This panic led to me having panic off and on for about two weeks, with thoughts of killing myself to escape the depression and anxiety... I felt there was no meaning to life, and I couldn't interact with people on a normal level.. I became very afraid of social situations, and it even felt like friends of mine were not the people I always knew... Time became very distorted, the past two weeks seemed as if they were maybe 5 days all together. I had alot of sensitivity to light. When people were speaking it seemed as though I was disconnected and surrounded by echoes. It was as if sound was muffled. I had many percieved problems with memory although no one seemed to notice a difference... I had a hard time remembering the names of people I knew... When I woke every morning I felt like I would kill myself... I told a teacher about this and began to cry, she told me to seek professional help.. I felt like I was a different person and even now that I have changed in some way.. I get afraid every night when I go to sleep that I will wake up and feel like this again. I have many problems with sleeping, I wake constantly and have terrifying dreams. Besides being afraid every night and morning I have come back to normal. I don't know what is wrong with me and the counselor at my school is sending me to a psychiatrist which I can't afford cause my dad recently lost his job and insurance.. I don't know what is wrong with me, and I hope that this wasn't a psychotic breakdown or something just as bad... I don't know what to do and I am afraid.....

Hi darkgift,

You are not the only one who had gone through such negative experience with marijuana. Have a look at the following links and read what others went/are going through:

http://www.steadyhealth.com/Marijuan...y__t82453.html

http://www.steadyhealth.com/Anxiety_...na_t77065.html

[JustinSP]

I disagree that the marijuana was "laced" with something, marijuana is a drug that affects everyone differently, it's well known to make people EXTREMELY paranoid, and irritable. It's also known to trigger some mental illnesses, just don't worry too much about it, you'll be fine.

[darkgift]

KnowSumthings:

Thank you for your response. Those are very similar experiences as to what happened to me, especially the derpersonilization feeling, and lack of reality. Some paranoid thoughts. I still on occasion have anxiety, but they are accompanied by this severe feeling that nothing I do matters... I come back to normal except for memory problems. It seems like my thoughts are foggy, and my memory recall is slow and sometimes I need to explain a word or memory that I am looking for so that friends will recall it for me. I have been staying in bed alot, and not wanting to eat or to see people... Sometimes I have changes in perception such as colors and lights seem to be different from what they should be, and people seem to look like and sound like machines not human... I have strange thoughts, they worry my girlfriend and I don't want her to be upset by me, but alot of times I can't help but lay and shake..

JustinSp:

Thank you also for responding. I agree that it wasn't laced, because I smoked it with 3 other friends who were experienced with marijuana, which I had only tried a few times.. None of them had the problems I had, and they all said it most definately was not different from any other experience they had with the drug.. My brother and my father told me that they had similar experiences after smoking marijuana and that it took them a while to come back to normal.. The thing that worries me is that I have a history of Bi-polar illness on my mother's side, which corrolates with schizhophrenia and psychosis, and that my father experienced psychosis with marijuana.. This suggest I may be prone to psychosis or some other mental illness.. I have read about it and have had all of the negative symptoms (brain fog, distorted perception, loss of reality, etc.) of Psychosis with mild positive symptoms (Hallucinations, Paranoid delusions, etc.).

Darkgift - hi from South Africa. You have merely opened a higher sense perception that was closed. People DO really sound like that and things really do look like that - most people just don't notice. Example: Some people here can tell that you are a great guy, by looking at your writing, between the lines. Others, who can only see concrete "reality", won't understand that. Some people will pay a lot to perceive the way you do. We can even learn to look at things either one way or the other way. Shamans need to tune their perception or they will get very depressed, seeing the conditions of people around them. On the road they may see ghost cars and make an accident.

For this, shamans say, you need a big heart and faith. What did Christ teach, and demo on the cross? "Love is the only safety." Here in Africa many wild animals come into the house. One needs to be careful but not paranoid. Best is to love them and help them get outside again. When others display problems we should care for them, not fear them. And care for yourself too, when you hear what you sound like yourself. On the PC, one window at a time has the focus, so we can work in it. Sanity is just a case of actively choosing the window that we need or want.

As we develop, reality becomes more flimsy. This is good, we expand into greater things. Instead of going crazy we can take responsibility, even learn to enjoy it. When I was small I feared olives, avo, marmelade, gorgonzola cheese, ugly spirits sitting on gate posts - but by now I've developed a taste for it. Imagine what a cat might see, with those eyes!

Indeed, nothing we do, matters. It is what you ARE that matters. That is what makes us free. If we do good to others because we must, then the price is too high for those others. No wonder people really sound like machines. And if they could change that, they would go on a drug trip from the change. To understand why it's good that nothing matters, read the channeled book "A Course In Miracles (ACIM)" - bookshops know it well.

Change is inevitable, our world is progressing. Many will begin to see that personality is quite flimsy, and that other versions can come and go. In fact every minute there is a new one, but we don't notice. And, all our perceptions and thoughts are illusions. In truth, we don't really know anything. We are clever (invented the wheel etc) but the greatest minds will tell you - we know nothing. Even as regards electricity, we depend on faith, as we should.

At the same time we will see that there is in fact a constant self behind all the masks. It consists of your own unique tendency / curiosity / interest / inclination / acorn / genius / daemon. Once you notice this, you will also see that it stays the same, whatever the personality and whatever you perceive. Then you can use this main interest to create whatever personality and mood and thoughts you like - just as you would buy clothes you like.

Thoughts are like optional snacks, only free. The better tasting ones create energy for you and are not fattening. So why have thoughts you don't like? ALL our opinions are equally unimportant, so we might as well have the thoughts that benefit us. You can create meaning and energy, the more you base thoughts around your own unique inclination. Once you've stopped believing and caring for opinions, all that will be left is that inclination.

Insanity is hard work and benefits nobody. Remember in looking for your inclination, to not just reduce it to logical thought, as it is more of a living thing. Natal astrology and cheirology (pro hand reading) can help you find it - although it's not hidden. Many of the world's greatest people would have been medicated into zombies if they lived today.

St John of the Cross (Spain, 1542-1591) wrote: "That you may know everything, seek to know nothing. That you may be everything, seek to be nothing." Also: "It is not God's will that a soul be disturbed by anything or suffer trials, for if one suffers trials in the adversities of the world it is because of a weakness in virtue. The perfect soul rejoices in what afflicts the imperfect one." And especially: "Mine are the heavens and mine is the earth. Mine are the nations, the just are mine, and mine the sinners. The angels are mine, and the Mother of God, and all things are mine; and God himself is mine and for me, because Christ is mine and all for me. What do you ask, then, and seek, my soul? Yours is all of this, and all is for you."

Much can be done by simple reading. Buy "A Course in Miracles" - read it for its cultural importance. Just imagine, only one woman came up with this great book. You will see how it raises your level of thinking. And please read "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay, 77 when she wrote it.

This poem, www.bartleby.com/41/301.html is by Christopher Smart (1722-1770). Just notice the general effect. He was considered insane, kept in a madhouse, yet he wrote this. He most certainly experienced meaning and was grateful for it.

And here is the famous Allegory of the Cave, by Plato (427-347 before Christ):
www.historyguide.org/intellect/allegory.html

Thomas Traherne (1636-1674) was an Anglican priest, yet he wrote these:
http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/48007-Tho...he-Preparative
www.bartleby.com/236/46.html
www.bartleby.com/236/48.html
www.bartleby.com/236/47.html
www.bartleby.com/236/45.html
www.bartleby.com/236/42.html

Please think outside of the sanity box - there's way more to be feared within it! "Gift" is part of your name here: You are only on earth to receive divine gifts of all sorts, and you are just now beginning to see it. How many look upon their first signs of puberty with horror, instead of with wonder. So much crisis in youth, and then the oldies regret not being young any more. At least take offence with the way the world is, and don't be the same. Your mind is your own, like a home - you can move in and decorate it as you wish.

Sorry no time for editing, it's 2:24 AM here in ZA.

[tweak]

Your panic over the claustrophic state weed can put you in is pretty common.
It sounds like your fear of having fear and panic is snowballing into a phobic kind of state.

The weed they have these days is very stong and can speed up your heart and really scare you. But it doesn't linger. That's your fear working itself up.

I don't think you have any serious problem, grass does that to a lot of people, me included. One valium will take away the panic within 15 minutes.

Once you believe that it's not the weed, but your fear of it that is causing the problems, you'll be back to your old self.

Just remember that panic isn't going to kill you.
Relief is a Valium away.
And I know how doctors don't want to give them because they ASSUME anyone who wants them just wants to get high... they're stupid idiots.
This is exactly what Valium is for. A muscle relaxer and anti-anxiety that works fast. You don't take them regularly like a 'medication' for a 'condition'. You take them as needed when you are going into an anxiety or panic attack.

I'm sure if you tell your doctor you only want to have 5 of them, you'll get the prescription. A psychiatrist will give you a form of the same medicine that you stay on all the time, but your anxiety isn't something that you've always had on your own out of nowhere. It was caused by the drug so you you don't need therapy. Just realize it was the grass and feel safe by having a Valium to take 'just in case'.

It will pass, not to worry