Virgin woman, afraid of sexual contact

gwinna · #1 02-19-2007, 02:37 AM

I am 24 years old, and a virgin
I keep having the reoccuring scenerio play. I find a guy that I'm attracted to, we start to get close to kissing, etc, and I can't do it!!
I have, yes, kissed, and a few other mediocre things, but I can't do it with ease, or desire. I know I have a healthy sex drive, and I am definatly attracted to the opposite sex, but I feel so afraid, and like maybe I'm doing the person a favor by letting them touch me. I don't want to feel this way, and I also don't feel very aroused if they do touch me.

I am attractive (I'm not going to lie) and I am outgoing, but place me in a dark car with a guy, and I FREAK OUT.

Why am I so afraid? I have no problem masturbating, and can climax easily, but with a partner, no!

pumibel · #2 02-19-2007, 05:05 PM

Hey- there is nothing wrong with you mentally or physically. You are possibly not ready yet and you have the sense to act on that. Most of your peers have probably had sex and maybe you feel like you are pressured because of your age. You don't want to lose your virginity in the back of a cramped car or when you are not in control of the situation. You will probably have no problem at all when the right person comes along- that sounds cliche but it's true- you have had opportunities already and did not take thsm so your subconcious is telling you to wait. Just watch who you make out with in a car. Don't let anyone pressure you, and use protection, be in control, if you choose to have sex. You are NOT too old to be a virgin, so don't let anyone tell you that.

The only reason I lost my virginity at 19 was due to date rape- I wasn't ready and was not looking for sex. If I can help someone else avoid the same thing the experience will have been worth it.
Take care and be safe!

NEENEE · #3 02-19-2007, 05:45 PM

While I think it's great that you have waited I think maybe seeing a professional about this is wise. There may be something lingering in your subconsious that is holding you back. I'm not saying that you need to have sex, but you need to feel comfortable with the idea. Plus if you freek out when you get close to someone, that might push someone special away and you will loose out on a great relationship!

It's on thing to feel nervious, but you shouldn't be that afraid!

#4 02-19-2007, 05:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pumibel

Hey- there is nothing wrong with you mentally or physically. You are possibly not ready yet and you have the sense to act on that. Most of your peers have probably had sex and maybe you feel like you are pressured because of your age. You don't want to lose your virginity in the back of a cramped car or when you are not in control of the situation. You will probably have no problem at all when the right person comes along- that sounds cliche but it's true- you have had opportunities already and did not take thsm so your subconcious is telling you to wait. Just watch who you make out with in a car. Don't let anyone pressure you, and use protection, be in control, if you choose to have sex. You are NOT too old to be a virgin, so don't let anyone tell you that.

The only reason I lost my virginity at 19 was due to date rape- I wasn't ready and was not looking for sex. If I can help someone else avoid the same thing the experience will have been worth it.
Take care and be safe!

Thanks very much for the advice. Its really embarrassing to discuss this with anyone I know, because they won't understand. I really appreciate it!

#5 02-27-2007, 07:08 AM

Well, at least know that you are not alone. I am a 25 year old virgin and am going through the same thing. I've done many of the usual sexual activities, but am terrified of "sex". As soon as I'm the one not in control...I freak out. Sometimes I worry that I'll never get over it. I feel like I'm too old and that something is wrong with me. I don't have any advice...just wanted to chime in.

gwinna · #6 02-27-2007, 03:10 PM

Wow, I didn't think anyone else was going through the same thing! That does make me feel a bit better though, thanks. I have a control issue also. If I lose control, I freak out too!! I wish I could change that.

Wolf Dreamer · #7 03-01-2007, 04:42 PM

Are you afraid of other things that might leave you helpless, or make you feel out of control?

Were you ever exposed to anything sexual when younger that upset you?

Was your mother dominated by an overbearing man?

Many are afraid of relationships, or other things that would leave them in a vulnerable position. Never let your guard down, or someone will always be there to utterly destroy you emotionally.

Perhaps if you got to know the person well, over the internet, and made certain they understood your feelings and respected them, you'd do ok.

Or just find some quiet, shy, wimpy, nerdy type, who has never gotten up enough courage to even talk to a girl before, and that way, you'll be the one in control, him not minding you being on top. And nerds are the more sensitive thoughtful types anyway, so all women should naturally be attracted to us.

#8 04-02-2007, 11:57 PM

i'm 24 years old and also afraid of intercourse. i've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now - i can't seem to go past oral sex. the penetration just scares me, i feel that it will hurt, etc. we even tried having sex once or twice, and each time i'm like nevermind! something in my subconscious tells me i'm not ready yet -- maybe it's being told that i should have sex after i get married?

#9 04-15-2007, 08:13 PM

Don't worry about it- when you feel ready you will be ready. I was a virgin until 24 as well and then decided to finally have sex. It was someone I really liked a lot and saw a relationship in the future. I didn't really want to have sex, but was totally attracted to the person and said to myself 'why not do it already?' What happened? I got an STD and was basically dumped as a one-night-stand. I've never been more unhappy in my entire life at being so used. I am mad at myself to this day for not doing what I knew was the right choice (going home alone).

For me I was just too afraid of sex because of STDs and HIV. No one else seemed to care back in high school and college but I really did so I didn't have sex.

Curly Stooge · #10 04-22-2007, 02:52 AM

All good advice yes. It IS a favour to touch you. It may be that you understand sex is important and special, not a common thing. Still, you don't have experience and you don't want to dominated by fear. Try considering sex to be a live performance, a play in which we need to be actors. A good actor becomes the character. We made a cultural thing of it, an art - while simply making children requires no feeling. Looking at it soberly, masturbation is better. With a partner, it just is what we make of it. Perhaps it will be more once you meet Mr Right, but before that, be an actress. Romance itself is mostly acting, a play with masks, as in minding our manners and dressing up to go out. It can be a carrier for relating, but we can also enjoy our combined show by itself. The big deal we've made of sex is entirely optional, so we can make of it what we like. At least find a sophisticated partner. Believe it or not, some men (like me) have an even worse problem - scared of all physical intimacy. But I act it out well, and enjoy giving the other person (whom I worship) a sincerely loving experience. Some, not all, have returned the compliment.